List love: reasons to get married

I really didn’t want to get married, despite finding the right guy. I just didn’t really see why I should bother.

But in less than a week, I’ll be walking down the aisle towards my loved one, ready to say “I do”.

Oh the romance! The swooning! The love that’s in the air!

NOT.

There’s only five reasons why anyone would ever get married as far as I’m concerned – and if you can think of any others, I’d be very interested to hear them…

5. To shut people up

I firmly believe that most couples end up getting married just so that people stop asking them when they’re going to get married. Unfortunately, it usually just means people start asking them when they’re going to have kids (answer: when I’m good and ready thank you very much!)

4. To shut their partner up

There is usually one person in the partnership who wants to get married a little bit more, or a little bit sooner, than the other. Probably because they’re smart enough to know the time value of money equation, and want to get the expense out of the way sooner before inflation becomes rampant and it costs ten times the amount to do anything. Once they get into their heads that marriage is something they want however, it’s almost impossible to ignore the subtle and not so subtle hints. Eventually, just like when you agree to try and put your shoes away when you come home, you’ll give in for the sake of just not having to hear about it anymore.

3. To remind them to be thankful for the big things

You know that saying, “don’t sweat the small stuff”? Well, that doesn’t apply in wedding organisation. Organising a wedding is ALL about the small stuff. And sure, you can get married without having a wedding. But for most people the two are synonymous – mainly because we’re all too petrified of what our parents would do to us if they found out we got married without any bells and whistles (read: without them, or anyone else).

2. To stop worrying about your weight

Here’s the thing: even skinny people worry occasionally about their weight. It’s usually one specific area, like tummy or thighs, but nevertheless, all women are prone to a little self-deprecation when it comes to bits that are (let’s face it) never going to be as hard as Madonna. Getting married is like a free ticket to self-acceptance. It’s not that you’re not going to worry anymore…it’s just that you don’t actually have to do anything about it.

1. For something shiny and new

Besides a truly awesome partner and relationship, the only tangible object you’re likely to take away with you once the day is over; the only thing that you’ll actually look at every single day (unlike that beautiful wedding album which is breathtaking but requires the wearing of white gloves for handling); is your wedding ring. So you may as well make it as shiny as you like, because just like your favourite underwear – this baby has got to keep you in the mood…and I’m pretty sure there’s a direct correlation between marital bliss and diamond carats, no?

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