List love: reasons not to detox

It’s the first week of the new year. A whole year lies ahead of you to conquer. So why, I ask you, would you want to set yourself up for failure?

The January detox is one of the most popular of the year, when diet season hits dizzying heights, health food promotions come at you from all sides as soon as you walk into your local supermarket, and people resolve to shed their Christmas and New Year weight.

But deciding not to drink, and to eat healthily in January is a surefire way to fail. Why?

5. It’s the most depressing time of the year

January is proven to be one of the most depressing times of the year. In fact, the third Monday of January has been named “Blue Monday” – THE most depressing day of the entire year. A combination of debt, withdraw from calorie laden feasts the month prior, pressure to look to the future, stick to resolutions, and all at a time when there doesn’t seem to be anything on the horizon in the immediate future to lift your spirits, just scream desperation and despair. And when you’re already depressed, where can you go if you can’t turn to your old friends, Ben & Jerry?

4. There’s nothing to lose weight for

Look ahead of you. You haven’t got a holiday in sight, now that you’re bankrupt from the small nation’s GDP you spent on Christmas presents for your family and friends. And you haven’t a hope in hell of clawing that overdraft back into balance after the blow out you had on New Years Eve that saw you dancing on tabletops screaming “the next one’s on me!” to a packed bar. There’s no work parties for the next ten months, and your unmarried friends have cancelled their weddings until the global recession has, well, receded. No one is going out because they’re all pretending to detox. You’ve nothing to look good for, so why not kick back and relax?

3. You can buy everything on sale

Every time I think it might be time to size up, I consider how many items of clothing will require replacing and I’m immediately deterred. But when everything is 50%+ off, it’s just a little too easy to try the next size up “just to compare the fit” and find that you’re actually more comfortable, get rid of any suspiciously creeping muffin top, and have a little breathing space for the next time you have a big meal. Fat pants aren’t really fat pants if they’re 70% off. They’re an investment in comfort.

2. You’ll be bored of your presents by February

So once you’ve conquered Call of Duty, downloaded a bunch of iPad apps, scrubbed yourself silly with your new set of smellies, and worn the $hit out of your new socks, you are going to be searching for something new to do once January is done. So why overload yourself with new things in the first month of the year? 99.9% of resolutions started in February are achieved, FACT*. All the more reason to hold off on the detox, and wait until you know you’ll definitely achieve your goals.

1. There’s a whole 10 months left to fill

If you burn through your detox self-motivation and control in the first month of the year, what are you going to do with the remaining ten months before you can sit back on your laurels come December and declare the month a time for gluttony and overindulgence? By pacing yourself and only resolving to do one thing at a time (like stopping eating before you feel physically sick and like you’re about to pop your top button), you’ll have a more realistic chance of sustaining your healthier approach to your diet for a longer period of time. More power to you, and to February, March, April, May….

2012-12-31 16.29.33

* FACT: according to the world of Christine, published in the future, at some indeterminate time, but definitely not in January

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